Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have demons in me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
