i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he shaved USA in his pubs
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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