apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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