yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
