I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
