And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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