Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
