i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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