Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
