Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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