The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
