just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
40s are totally the cure
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
