I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Did we literally take a cab across the street
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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