I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
