Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
