you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
