after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
