Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
