I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
