that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
