the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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