i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
