When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There's even glitter on my cock...
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