You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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