My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
