Dude my mom stole all your condoms
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
