This is not my ceiling
Ambien. No doubt about it.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
