Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
