So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
