apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
