My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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