it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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