Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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