Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
