The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love having hate sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
