new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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