I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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