he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
