so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
