Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
