I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
