She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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