Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
