After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So many bounce houses so little time
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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