I puked a lego.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's get the cat blown out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
