Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
