Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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