dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
