Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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