you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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