Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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